Toes are good. Shoes are better.

S came in crying because he had stubbed his toe. 
After looking it over and asking him how it happened, I asked if he was wearing shoes at the time.
He looked confused.
“No. I was just…wearing my toes.”
Right. Good plan. Shoes can also be good.

In case you were wondering what I was doing these days…

A woman can deny she is “nesting” and simply state that she is “spring cleaning” or “preparing for the baby” until she finds herself cleaning the inside of her washing machine and dishwasher.
And when the compulsion drives her to clean the underside of her stove hood, which includes removing and cleaning the light bulbs….
Yes, then [...]

I don’t want to know what this means.

I always knew I wasn’t going to be the “fun” parent.
Someone has to tell them to sit up straight, eat their beans, put their socks in the hamper and no, for the last time, you can’t keep the toad/frog/ant/turtle/crawfish/bird/rabbit/worm as a pet. Now go to sleep!
So maybe I shouldn’t think this is as funny as [...]