He makes up words too.

One of J’s favorite people at church is “Kake”.
Apparently, her parents put a ‘t’ in the middle of her name, but there’s no telling J that.
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The boys all like to look up and read about different animals and creatures. J was looking up big cats. He was showing me pictures of them in the book [...]

What’s wrong with this picture?

If you guessed that it looks like a monkey with some school scissors got busy, you’d be right.
He said he had to cut it twice because he didn’t get enough hair the first time.
I asked him what he did with the hair and he said, “I just dropped it.”
I’m still looking for it.
Apparently he was [...]

Curse you all-glass, totally see-through front doors!

We were sitting down to breakfast the Saturday before last.

The dog started barking.
Mr. French went to the door.
They appeared to be either sales people or Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I was wearing this.

I really wanted to take a shower.

My bedroom is on the other side of the all-glass, totally see-through front doors.

Newsflash: Evidence found to suggest author and daughter might be related.

Have you ever had one of those moments when everything becomes slow motion as you try to grasp the air, trying to stop what you know is inevitable?
Yeah. Me, too.
And it was kind of a lot of sugar to lose too.
I was going to title this: “Grasping at Straws” and then I thought, it’s more [...]

What you can’t see won’t hurt you.

Mr. French went out to the car last week and made a little discovery.
He had his suspicions.
Just to make sure it wasn’t the boys, he brought them out for a consultation.
He asked them if they had or knew who had torn this tissue into little itsy bitsy pieces.

C looked at it thoughtfully and said, “No, [...]

Wait a second….

I thought that coffee bag was empty when I put it in the trash.

And I was pretty sure that box of orzo was closed and on a higher shelve.

How to confuse the post office in twelve difficult steps.

You might not need to do all of these. Use your own judgment.
Step one: Move to another town (we’ll call this addresss B). Forward your mail.
Step two: After six months move to another part of town (we’ll call this address C).
Step three: Consider yourself doing the post office a favor and put in a forwarding [...]

Nobody said it would make sense.

The thing nobody ever tells you about having kids, is that you’ll lose your logic skills as fast as you lose your patience.
I just gave a kid a tootsie roll to get him to eat a couple pinto beans.

I think she needs a demotion.

Since turning the big number one, Felicity has made a few decisions for herself.
She:
Started walking.
Abruptly stopped nursing.
Turned into a Screaming Banshee.
Took a bottle of milk for the first time in her life.
Went back to being her happy, smily self again.
Started fast walking. (i.e. “running” with short toddler legs)
Got new shoes.
Decided that sitting in chairs, church, [...]

Against my better judgment…

Do you suppose all stories of childhood destruction begin with those words?
It seems like all of mine do.
So, against my better judgement, I let Felicity play in the pantry while I did the dishes.
I even saw her pull the bag of birthday/cake decorations off the shelf and didn’t stop her.
I’d like to say that I [...]