An open letter to the original owners of this house:
Dear Original Owners,
Hi, we just bought your house. It’s really beautiful. We love the view. What a great idea.
So, you really like purple, huh? You know, the royal purple counter tops you put in, not only the laundry room, but also the master bath? Interesting choice. I guess.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing is a little matter I had to take care of today.
Now, I haven’t owned a lot of refrigerators. I haven’t ever even gone to the store to buy one before, so I may be wrong, but they don’t make self-cleaning refrigerators. Ovens, yes, refrigerators, no. So, what exactly were you thinking when you spilled that…um…molasses? maple syrup? thick soy sauce? in front of the refrigerator and just left it? Who, exactly, did you think would clean it up?
Now, maybe I could forgive you for leaving it for a day, but years? Maybe you came home from work after a really hard day and all you wanted was a Coke? Beer? BBQ sauce (What was it?!) and then the dog ran over and you spilled it everywhere and you just couldn’t face cleaning it up right then. I’ve been there. Believe me. But, Hello? It was what, five years ago, that this happened? I may be inexperienced, but it looks like no one has ever cleaned underneath that refrigerator.
But it’s clean now. You’re Welcome. I almost threw up while doing it too, but I cleaned it. While I ran back and forth cleaning up after my two sick kids. Sigh.
I just have to know one thing.
What was it?
No, you know what, I do not want to know.
I need a bath now.
P.S. It was molasses, wasn’t it?
P.S.S. YOU’RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO PUT MOLASSES IN THE FRIDGE!