If you don’t hate me yet, you will now.

It all started innocently enough. My cousin, Sarah sent me this maternity shirt, so naturally I tried it on. And it fit, but it was also kind of huge. So I thought I should see what it will look like when I start to look pregnant. You know how they have those pregnant belly pillows at all the little maternity clothing shops so that you can see if it will fit you when you really are huge? So I stuffed myself up and everyone thought it was funny and then Mr. F wanted to take a picture and I let him and then I thought, wouldn’t it be funny if I put it on the blog and pretended I was really that big? Of course, no one is going to believe that, will they?

You guys are making me feel bad.

Mr. French thought no one would have any reason to doubt that I was really that big.

So fine. He was right. I was wrong. (Did you read that, honey?)

This is a more accurate picture of what I really look like:


Yeah. So, I’m not really showing yet. Though if you look really, really closely, I sort of am.

I guess, since I don’t talk a lot about how sick I’ve been, you don’t know that I lost 14 pounds in the last 2 months and have only gained back about 3. And while even I can’t figure out where the baby is in there, if it’s really as big as they say they are at 15 weeks, (my theory is that he took over the space normally held by my bladder.) I know there’s one in there because it kicks a lot and I’ve started having Braxton-Hicks contractions every day. (And I did check with my Google Doctor and he said it’s normal in the second trimester.)

I make it my policy to write all my stories as accurately as possible and if I’m writing pure fiction, I try to make it obvious. But, I’ll admit that while everything I wrote was true and that is me in the picture, the “belly” is just an old college sweatshirt. You can even see it in the picture on the counter. (Mr. French wanted to take a picture of me taking it out but it was just a little too stripper-esque for me.)

Mr. F thinks that I’ve lost all credibility now and no one will believe anything I write.

They probably made up that whole thing about going to France too.

Yeah, maybe she’s not even pregnant. It’s all a big hoax.

She probably took that second picture, where she’s all skinny, like three months ago to make us now believe she’s really not that big, but really she is. The big fat liar.

But dudes, in my defense, if you can’t believe those two pictures were taken on the same day, why would I have the same bad hair on both days? Huh? Give me some credit.



Filed under I confess, Mr. French, She's having a baby, That was fun, Why does no one get my jokes?

9 responses to “If you don’t hate me yet, you will now.

  1. Well, I’m glad you came out with the truth… while I did say you were almost bigger than me in that picture, the more I kept looking at it the more I realized that you were a LOT bigger than me.
    (I was starting to feel sorry for you come July!)

    I even showed Steve the picture… “Hey Honey, look how big I could be with our fourth child. At 15 weeks!”

  2. redchampagne

    I know.

    Especially since I’m not due ’til August. πŸ™‚

  3. Esther

    You know, on that previous post, I really wanted to say,
    “Wow, do you look HUGE.”
    “You are SO PREGNANT.”
    “I have NEVER SEEN such a pregnant woman at this point in the pregnancy!”

    However, having had people actually say this to me, admittedly when I was about 7 months along, I didn’t. I talked about your posters instead.

    Now I’m glad I restrained myself!!

  4. redchampagne

    Well, ironically, since it was fake, I would’ve thought it was funny.

    And I guess that’s why I thought people wouldn’t believe it b/c who looks like that at 15 weeks? Though I found this girl:

    But she had twins. And she’s still smaller than my stuffed shirt!

    But, hey, I should’ve known no one would have been so rude as to say, “You’re HUGE! What have you been eating!” So, that’s nice.

  5. Jessica

    Ditto Esther! I so wanted to shout, Whoa Buddy, are you kidding me, you’re huge!! I do know better though.

    Great joke, loved it and totally fell for it.

  6. Abigail

    Yeah, that looks much better. I guess we all just thought that you were such an honest person…. I guess we were wrong. Looking at the picture without my delusion of your honesty, the belly does look rather lumpy. πŸ™‚ And, by the way, you win, you’re definitely smaller than me.

  7. redchampagne

    Ahh, sisters.

    Can’t you feel the love?

    I laughed at your lumpy comment b/c I thought, she’s right, my belly is kind of lumpy in real life. And then I realized you meant my fake belly. πŸ™‚ (They’re both kind of lumpy.)

    And you’re bigger than me because you’re due before me. I’m telling you, 2 weeks makes a huge difference!

  8. Abigail

    Well, that and I didn’t lose 14 pounds when I was sick! That makes a difference too. πŸ™‚ But people still don’t notice that I’m pregnant. I just look like I’m a little thicker around the middle. But, that’s ok, being hugely pregnant in the middle of the summer will all come soon enough as it is. Am I right? πŸ™‚

  9. Pingback: The Photo Contest Results « Can moving be a hobby?

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