Monthly Archives: April 2008

It happens every year

Winter turns to spring.

The sun shines.

The flowers bloom.

The flip flops…uh…flop.

It’s 70 and 80 degrees in the shade all week.

Two weeks even.

So you wash all the coats, the hats and the mittens, even the scarves because you’re just that good.

You put it all away for next winter.

You go through all the summer clothes and hang them up.

And then, when you’re finished, you wake up and it’s 40 degrees outside. With rain.

Thankfully, your kids don’t care.

They continue to wear shorts even when it’s 43 degrees. And when you even dare suggest that they should wear a jacket, they scoff at you and say,

“Why? It’s not cold out.”

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Filed under Aren't my kids funny?

My life in random bullet points in a lame attempt to start writing again.

At least I tell it like it is, right?

  • I’ve declared May “get rid of it” month. I’m planning to use our local recycle center, freecycle, Craig’s list, Ebay, and Amazon (just to mix it up a little) to get rid of things we have no need for anymore. I was going to use our “waste management” company to get rid of some things Mr. French was too embarrassed to offer on Freecycle, but that seems to be too expensive, so we’ll probably use an ax and a match instead.
  • The reason we need to get rid of stuff now, after living here for over 6 months, is so we can park both our cars in the garage!
  • After eight years of being able to use one (or less) cars, we now have two vehicles. It’s weird. We forget all the time. We still plan things around using the one car. And then we say, “Oh, yeah, we have two cars now.”
  • That is also possibly because until today, I hadn’t even driven the new car. I know. Do I trust Mr. French or what?
  • And talk about spoiled rotten. I knew having two cars would be more expense, but so is having another baby and we had to get a second car before the baby was born. But hello! We used to spend $40-50 a week (we only needed to fill up the car once a week!) on gas. I was talking to someone with 6 kids (and a suburban) at church about it and she said they spend $150 just to fill up! The luxurious curse of having two cars.
  • I use the excuse of being pregnant for everything these days. I figure, membership to the club is exclusive and limited, so you might as well use up all your perks while you can.
  • Until moving to France last year I only (if no one was sick or anything) did laundry once a week. France was different for various reasons, but I did expect to go back to my once-a-week practice when we got back stateside. I’ve finally come to the realization that it’s unrealistic. I haven’t figured out all the whys but twice a week keeps it under control.
  • I went to Target today and for the first ten minutes all three of the boys walked around like they had guns in their hands, walking along the sides of the aisles, whispering back and forth, like they were in some undercover operation to take down the bad guys in housewares. I decided not to be embarrassed. I had to think about it though.

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Filed under Boys will be boys, I confess, Mr. French, She's having a baby

If you say so…

S was getting out of the car this afternoon.

“I didn’t bring my coat.” he volunteered.

“That’s good.” I said.

Because it’s 70 degrees and you don’t need one? I didn’t say.

“Because I think the world looks hot. That’s why.” he said.

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Did ya miss me?

I went to a wedding (“Charismatic guy” got married!) on Saturday. I left on Friday evening and spent the night with one of my best friends and her daughter.

As I was packing to leave, C asked me what I was doing. I told him I was going away for a night and I’d be home on Sat. night.

“But I’ll miss you.” he said. (Aww!)

“Oh, I’ll miss you too. But it will only be one overnight. You’ll have fun with Daddy.”

He thought for a minute.

“But when I’m putting away the dishes and I don’t know where something goes, I won’t be able to ask you.”

“Well… you could just ask Daddy.”

C looked skeptical. “But Daddy doesn’t always know where things go either.”

Good point.

(I’m still leaving though.)

J (yes, the 3-year-old) took this picture of me. He just picked up the camera (at the wedding) and pushed the button, but I thought it would qualify quite well for an unflattering belly shot.

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I don’t know why I’m holding my hand like I’m showing off my ring. I was waiting for J to push the button already so I could take the camera away.

Even if you didn’t miss me, my boys sure did.

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Yeah, they missed me alright.

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Filed under Aren't my kids funny?, Boys will be boys, Mr. French, She's having a baby

Bigger by the week

I had an idea for a blog post about three weeks ago.

I even took pictures for it.

And then…

then I got lazy busy. (That’s it. I was busy. That sounds so much better than lazy.) I still have the pictures, but they’re kind of out of date now.

See, I saw this book at the library.

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I got it just to see if it had any new insights into my pregnancy and turned to my week, which was 21 weeks at the time.

I was hoping to see: “You will finally feel good at 22 weeks. Hang in there! Just a few more days to go.

Instead I saw this:

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Did you see that?

It would be hard to hide your condition!

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And then I looked in the mirror and thought,

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Really?

Strangers would dare ask me if I’m pregnant?

And they wouldn’t worry about me biting their heads off or running out of the store crying?

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I guess I find that hard to believe. (Even without the over-sized sweatshirt.)

But now that I’m sliding into 24 weeks, none of this applies anymore.

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At 23 weeks and a handful of days, I think it’s safe to say that I’m showing.

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I’m a really good spellar too.

There’s a good article over at Amy’s Humble Musings about “How to be humble…like me.”

So, that got me thinking of great spoof blog titles, like:

How to be perfect…just like me.

This is my really funny blog.

I’m a good writer. I have this blog, don’t I? ( or You can read this blog, can’t you?)

The Perfect blog-One woman’s attempt to teach you all that she knows.

(I think I saw a blog like that once. She wasn’t being sarcastic, either.)

President of my 4-H Club and my subsequent rise to fame and fortune.

Then I thought of things you should never, ever write on a blog.

I’m a really, really good writer.

Grammar is what I’m best at.

Spelling is my fortay.

I am seriously the funniest person I know.

I’m an editor, so I’m immune to typpos.

The irony of it all.

If I was a better writer (and also less of a procrastinator) I think it would be fun to write a spoof blog making fun of people taking themselves too seriously. (Though, I could be accused of that at times. But then, I’d have all this great material.) I could pretend I’m a really serious person trying too hard to show off my humility. It would, of course, have to be absurd, otherwise it wouldn’t be funny.

What would you add to the list? Or give me blog titles that you’d like to spoof.

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Filed under I'm a pretend writer, That was fun, Why does no one get my jokes?

Five random unimportant things about me and one that’s…not.

I mean, it is random and totally unimportant but it’s just, well, not true.

Here you go: Winners all around.

1. By the time I got to high-school, I had so many warts on my legs and hands that my Doctor couldn’t even count them all. I had them all removed, with no scars, though I usually have a few pop up every once in awhile.

I am truly touched that so many of you felt sorry for my “teenage self” as someone put it, but in all honesty, it really didn’t bother me. I think I was even somewhat proud of them. They were kind of bothersome in that they bled when I shaved my legs (hence, why I had so many, if you were wondering) but, I guess I was kind of a tomboy and really didn’t care how they looked. I would care now, of course.

In fact, when I got married (years later), I had about 5 or 6 on my hands and I didn’t get the popular-wedding-ring-with-your-hands-all-entangled picture because of it. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything, but that is the reason why.

2. I couldn’t skip a single class in college without considerable guilt.

This is also very true. I don’t remember skipping any classes in college, although I won’t go so far as to say I never did. I think, in fact, that I probably did but was so traumatized by the guilt that I’ve blocked all memory of it.

3. I was reporter, secretary, vice-president, and president of my 4-H club. (different years)

Yeah, I was secretary and reporter for a long time, until the reigning President finally got a life in high school and quit 4-H and then I moved on up. President of the 4-H club – the power and prestige is unparalleled. Of course, so is the dork factor.

4. In first grade, I got chicken pox after I came back from camping with poison ivy and poison oak.

Those were itchy days. My Mom has a picture of me in a pink dress and my skin pretty much matches it exactly.

5. I joined the rugby team in college.

Yes I did. I never actually played a game (can’t remember why), but I practiced regularly and learned to tackle rugby style. That was definitely the most fun. I do remember once telling a friend of mine how weird it was to finally wake up and not be completely sore from head to toe. (I mentioned that I used to be a tomboy, right?)

Which reminds me that when I first met Mr. French (at the age of 17) I had skinned up knees from a square dancing accident. I was obviously such a cool and graceful teenager.

6. The one and only time I dyed my hair, I pretended that I hadn’t and that I naturally was that red. Up until now, I was still denying that I’d ever dyed my hair.

Most of you figured out that this one was false. I’d forgotten I’d written about it earlier. (thankyousomuch Abigail. It actually took me several hours to remember that.) I have never dyed my hair but I think I should so I’ll stop talking about it. Two hairdressers now have suggested it (how convenient, since I could pay them to do it, no?). The problem is that both times someone has suggested it, I’ve been pregnant, so I delay it and then we move. I might just do it one of these days to see what the fuss is all about.

Maybe I should take a poll.

So there you go.

And feel free to do it on your blogs. (Leave a comment and then I can go and guess your false one.)

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Filed under I confess, Mr. French, Why does no one get my jokes?